A note on Friendship.

As an adult it's super easy to get caught up in the exhaustion of life and routine and trying to keep it all together and stop seeing people and doing things with those people. I know because that's progressively been my life for the past year or so. That's all changed recently, and it's so good. 

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It's really nice having friends, and it's really nice being a friend. These people are your chosen family. They don't have to be with you, or care about you, but they do. Likewise, no one is forcing you to hang out, or be there for them, but you are anyway because you love them. 


Romantic love is such a major focus of our media and species. "Finding your other half" and settling down as a pair, and having a person who knows you like no other. Romantic love is great, but it's rarely forever, and when your forever falls apart on you, it's your friends that are there to catch you when you fall.  


I've had an incredible amount of support from friends over the last few months whilst I was ejecting a particular toxic human from my life. I honestly don't think I would have recovered nearly as well without all their love and support. 

As my friend Peter Lawrie would say: You are special, you are important and you are loved <3

January Tour

It's strange posting photos out of order. These photo's were taken while I was on tour (before the photos of my last post) but I didn't want to taint this post with the sadness and anger I've been experiencing following my recent breakup. Emotionally this tour was hell for me. It followed directly behind a difficult stint at falls festival (due to weather) and an awful night in random cheap accomodation. My dog went missing twice, and my ex was flip flopping between ignoring me and being passive aggressive about coming to falls festival with me and me being away for such an extended period of time on tour. I've also changed this opening paragraph and probably won't change the rest of the words (so sorry if I've doubled up/something doesn't make sense) 

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Needless to say, my time away was pretty up and down (with the majority of the time being down). It was also kind of floaty, as in, we didn't have a lot of gigs, so many days were spent pulling together our own schedule of busking, hanging out, cooking (and in my case) finding a library/powerpoint/wifi so I could edit/upload photos, book gigs and cross things off my professional to do list. 

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I also packed very differently to last year. I opted for the "minimal clothing, find places to do laundry" approach. I'd recommend this over "new piece of clothing for each day". It's a little less time convenient, but it's a space saver, and it's easier to keep track of "clean and dirty"  clothes. As a little bonus, it means a clean towel as well! (which is a complete luxury as any touring musician would know!) 


There were some really great moments on this tour, like sharing a stage with Hello Tut Tut and Greshka in Brisbane, Booking a last minute gig in Bellingin at 5 Church street, and playing to a small room of people (as well as bumping into a friend far from home) at a stunning house in Ocean Shores. Ultimately though, this tour was mostly sad times for me. It's the first time I've driven great distances alone, the first time I've stayed in back packers alone and the first time I've ever really been home sick. 


Despite the sad times and short comings of this tour, I've learnt a lot and worked out a lot of thing I didn't previously know/realise about the industry I work in. 

On an unrelated note, here's my latest youtube video! It's a sneaky cover of Royals by Lorde :) 

You don't have to stay just because it's long term.

I am going to have significantly more time to work on this blog and my artistic pursuits in the coming months because I have just done the hardest thing I've ever emotionally had to do: leave an emotionally abusive relationship.  


Abuse is really scary, even more so after you realise what it is. In terms of what I experienced I consider myself very lucky. The experiences I've had over the last year have been mild, although like most abusive cycles, the "good times" were getting less and less, and the "bad times" were getting more intense and more regular. 

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When I realised what was happening, it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and the blind fold had been pulled from my eyes. The transition from healthy loving relationship to toxic relationship was so slow. It also took a lot of research to realise that his behaviour wasn't ok (This article in particular helped me a lot https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/11/signs-partner-manipulative/)

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I don't think my ex realised what he was doing was abuse. It's no excuse for his behaviour, but I truely believe he didn't realise the emotional consequences of his actions. I just hope he learns as much from this relationship as I have. 


As far as how I'm doing, I'm incredibly angry. I feel betrayed and lied to. I also feel like the last of my childhood hope and trust and naivety has disappeared. I loved this human with all of my heart, and in return all I received was a box I had to conform to which shrank over time. I gave so much time and energy which I could have been putting into my friends and my art. 

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Here's a note to my future self and a note to anyone else about the type of behaviour you should never tolerate in a long term relationship: 

1) Policing your behaviour and calling you out on being "socially unacceptable". 

2) Contempt towards your career path and passions. 

3) The alteration of your space in major ways, particularly buying "shared furniture" which you wouldn't otherwise be interested in or purchase

4) Share of travel based on time schedules 

5) Lack of communication, particularly the silent treatment. 

6) Being involved with my friends and my family.

7) Respecting my emotional needs. 

8) Waiting for things to get better, because the longer you wait, the worse they will get.

9) Hypocritical behaviour.  

10) Alteration of you as a human in major ways. 

11) Being afraid to ask to do things together because it's consistently met with either contempt or a unreasonably negative attitude. 


These are all the things I can think of right now. I'm sure there are more, and I'm sure I will write a follow up post about how I'm recovering from this trauma. 

There is no excuse for any type of abuse, and just because it's mild doesn't make it any less wrong. There is nothing wrong with me, and if you've had this misfortune of experiencing this kind of behaviour, there is nothing wrong with you either. 

She Came Home (an unexpectedly happy post)

I have had the craziest January. Thankfully the tragedy that I alluded to in my last post has been resolved! My dog noodle (who features quite heavily in this post) went missing for a second time, about a week after she ran away during the New Years fireworks. She was gone for 6 days, and at the time of writing my last post, I was convinced I'd never seen her again. 

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As far as loosing a pet goes, there's only one thing worse than the act of them going missing. Being far away from home where you cannot physically search for them. The entire time noodle was out in the wilderness  I was glued to my phone, hoping my parents would call, or that somebody would respond to one of the many cries for help I'd posted across the lost pet groups on Facebook. 

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The longer your pet (in my case, dog) is missing, the less hope you tend to be able to hold onto. I imagined her in all sorts of awful scenarios. In the wet stormy bushes dying of fear/cold, run over on the road, mauled by another dog, collapsing from starvation. I also cried a lot in private (I was on tour, surrounded by people constantly, so pretty much any moment alone was met with tears) 

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Lastly, just to add insult to the crushing loss I was already feeling, I was aware that I had this set of photos to post. Ones taken in my backyard just before I left with noodle being silly and lovely and soft and gorgeous. Had she not come home, this post would have been devastating to edit. 


Thankfully she's home safe. A lovely lady spotted her on the side of a road not too far from our house, and chased her for a kilometre until she was able to catch her, then return her home. I'm so very glad she's home.

(On the day I felt saddest, I managed to get enough alone time to record a tiny rendition of Scarborough fair. It was a nice distraction from the saddness hole I was in. You can watch it if you want : )